Ok, so a few days ago as I was leaving to let my dog out to take a dump and right before I turned off the tv, I heard the following teaser for the upcoming 6pm ET sports center: "Stay tuned to find out who Mel Kuiper Jr. says what player in the upcoming NFL draft most reminds him of Terrel Suggs."
Are you fucking kidding me? I don't even know who Terrel Suggs is. Best I can guess is defense? And if I did know, I still wouldn't even fucking care. As far as having the most useless knowledge, nobody can top Mel Kuiper Jr., and really I don't think that's a category one should be proud to be at the top of. Abso-fucking-useless. He should put that totally awesome fake hair to good use, by I don't know, cutting it all off and throwing it in his mouth with the hope that he chokes to death on it.
Here's a Sports Center teaser I'd actually be interested in hearing: "Stay tuned to hear what ridiculously hot and smart woman with legs up to her ears wants to shack up with Fish."
Teaser 1b: "Stay tuned to hear your options for how you'd like to see Mel Kuiper Jr. get fired and then devolve into deeply self destructive alcoholism. Text message your vote now!"
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